Just finished reading this book “Truth over Tribe” by Patrick Miller and Keith Simon.
We , humans , are indeed tribal in nature. Be it ethnic/ cultural or political or social.
We have our own “tribal” preferences. Don’t we?
The days leading up to a nation’s election - the pro PAP vs WP or PSP or SDP, brings out the political tribal instincts in us. The present ME conflicts presented an ethnic cultural religious tribal fire ball in many. Sports tribalism like rising pickleball now irks those in tennis.
We are living in such a time where the rise of tribalism divides and enhanced quarrels that fracture the family , cell or social gatherings. You don’t agree, I block you. I don’t like it , I exit group. π€ π π
Yes indeed, tribalism ruins relationships, makes one anxious, incentivizes inauthenticity, creates enemies and blinds us.
The summary of this book shares the reasons behind our tribalism. Why our brains, FB Tik tok feeds, personal beliefs system and communities are Tribal.
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One of the chapters that struck me was the one about how tribalism BLINDS truth. The story of the elephant and the rider. Nutshell, the elephant and the rider set off to visit his aunt in another town. He mounted the sitting elephant and began shouting and yelling for it to stand. The elephant did not stir. He kicked and punched. But the elephant stayed put. Finally he grabbed a stick and hit the elephant. At that exact moment , the elephant noticed a tree with delicious fruit in the distance, So it stood up and make its way to the fruit.
“Ha!” Said the rider to himself “I knew hitting you would get you going”
Later they came to a fork in the road. The path on the right led to his aunt’s house and the path on the left led to his mother’s house. The rider pointed, tugged and urged the elephant to go right but the elephant decided to go left!
When the rider arrived dt his mother’s house, his mom said” I thought you were visiting your aunt today , not me” The rider feeling a bit embarrassed explained “ That’s true, but when I came to the fork in the road, I decided I really wanted to see you so I came this way” π
The rider represents our reasoning faculties. And the elephant represents our emotional faculties.
So who is really in charge? The rider or the elephant? Your heart or your head? π
People tend to follow their hearts not their heads. The rational mind justifies the heart’s ❤️ desires after the fact. Your rider’s job is not to make decisions but to explain decisions. The rider justifies the elephant instincts.
Have you ever read an article or watch an YouTube you disagree with? According to Adam Grant, Wharton professor of organizational psychology,
Studies show that it will likely take you longer to read something you disagree with than it takes you to read something you approve of. Why? Because you are mentally nitpicking details in order to build a counterargument. π
In other words , when your elephant disagrees with something, your rider works hard to deconstruct the argument to validate it. How? Grant wrote your inner rider defaults into one the 3 rationalizing modes when you encounter an argument that challenges your tribe.
1. The Politician
2. The Preacher
3. The Prosecutor
*The Politician :* Your inner politician does not find fault with the argument, but HOW the argument is stated. The politician warns about the tone and chastises the argument for unkindness or alienating others This mode is an expert at tone policing. “This argument may be right “
Says the inner politician “ But it’s not helping anyone. It’s only hurting” Therefore the argument is invalid.
*The Preacher* : Your Inner preacher is deeply offended by the argument’s obvious moral shortcomings The argument is in the preacher’s view , heretical because it challenges your tribe’s orthodoxy- those self evident truths that cannot be questioned and need not be defended. If the argument itself isn’t immoral, the preacher will castigate it for unstated association with other immoral views. Thus the argument is invalid.
*The Prosecutor*: Your inner prosecutor builds up a case by picking apart every small error in argument. Rather than consider points with charity , the prosecutor pulls pieces out of their context and reinterprets their meaning with EXTREME prejudice. The prosecutor finds errors (real or imagined) and then declares the argument invalid.
So which is your most preferred rider mode? π
The above all 3 modes made our lives miserable. They prevent us from learning with charity and love. They at times agitate and outrage us. So rather seeing people and their perspectives as COMPLEX mixtures of right and wrong, truth and falsehood , your rider threats them as threats to be shamed and eliminated. Your rider’s job is to *BLIND* you to the truth on the other side so long as that feeds your elephant.
And your sin-sick elephant loves its tribe more than truth. Oops!π
So how ah? If the rider cannot control the elephant and the elephant loves TRIBE OVER TRUTHS, are
We doomed to unending tribalism??
*The HOPE?*
Train our elephant to love truth more than tribe. Retrained and redirect the elephant’s tribal belonging toward a tribe that love truth. This set the rider free to speak truth and know truth.
Are our loves in the right order ?
Does your love for the lamb transcend your love for the donkey or the elephant?
The apostle Paul wrote that every human heart is disordered. Humans love created things more than God. Many of us Christians are tempted to love money , possessions, comfort , pleasure , prestige,
Approval control and romance more than Jesus. But many of us Christians can forget that we can easily just love our tribes more than Jesus.
**Is our love disordered? **
Look at our actions. Do self assessment. When someone from a different tribe shared their perspective , do you :-
• Feel a sense of anger or even malice toward them?
• Feel a sense of confident , arrogant and superiority over them during or after a fact?
• State “facts” that you are not sure are true in order to deceitfully win the argument?
• Gossip about the person after the debate ends?
• Slander that person’s faith or character after th debate ends?
When your elephant - your ❤️ heart-loves Jesus above all else, your rider - your rational mind - will be set free to use your rational powers for good. Instead of rationalizing wrongheaded ideas, your rider will resist lies and speaks words of truth, justice , nobility , mercy and goodness , all to the Glory of God
The more you assume the best of others, the more you can assume you’re walking in God’s grace.
_( Above partial extract from Chapter 5 which I thought was pretty interesting - The rider and the elephant)_
Reflections :-
This book is pretty good.
Because the days are pretty dark.
Our country and church and family and friends had become so polarized.
Relationships had never been so fractured
But I hope and will continue to pray for healing.
Putting aside our donkeys and elephants, focusing on the Lamb
Praying for a road of recovery for real authenticity in conversations. Be ourselves. And allow diversity to weave the fabric through love. No Fear but love prevails.
