Today 24/4/2017, my father-in-law was called Home. He was 88. More than what has the Lord willing to bless for someone surpassing 80 years of age as in Ps 90.
I remember the year he collapsed in late 2012 where John and I were supposed to go the Kota Kinabalu with the company staff and loved ones. The trip was cancelled due to his sudden open heart surgery.(The Lord knew my heart which yearned for the trip . So with a twist, the runway at KK airport was suddenly closed for some unusual reason that day! And the whole tour group was delayed for more than a day! How funny the Lord was! So it kind of made me felt not so bad after all!) Thereafter by the mercy and grace of the Lord, he managed to pull through such a major surgery, however only to bear with subsequent years of kidney dialysis, 3 times a week.
The last 5 years of his life had been rather a painful time for the family seeing him being needled. His last one month prior to his passing on, he lost his mobility of his legs & made several hospital trips. Nevertheless, I witnessed the mercy of the Lord even at his last days.
I guessed I am a rather fortunate daughter-in-law. My FIL loved me a lot despite having several intense discussions with him on our faith in Jesus Christ. He came to COOS with us back in 2005 after John was diagnosed with NPC. Rom 8:28. (When asked why he accepted Jesus then, he gave the reply that since so many in the family had become christians , mum included, so it was a family thing ! Opps wrong reason! Perhaps he was blur blur then, but I believed that the Lord heard and He is gracious & merciful) I remember when I was first married into the Chow family in 1991, I used to give thanks for the food served with eyes closed. But then he gave some scare to me one day with his questions and thereafter I learnt to give thanks for the food with my eyes wide open!!!! That was how fierce he was! Dining at home was a strictly no nonsense no chatting time among us. He just did not like it when his children and wife made conversations at the dinner table - perhaps a traditional chinese thing. However, knowing that I am a Teochew - he always buy fish . (Hakkas are meat eaters, not fish) Several times at the dining table, he would say out aloud "Ah Mui ah- eat fish, or is the fish nice? " And I felt very embarrassed. So I know, despite his fierce outlook, his inward was still tender.
Since the major open heart, many changes took place. At his final command, we had to move out of the shophouse at South Bridge Road finally. This was postponed for many years and his surgery expedited our move. His dream was to renovate the family pride of this old conservation shophouse which bore the company name on its pillars. The move took place in July 2013.
My parents-in-law used to come to the office everyday until my FIL started his dialysis which kind of took a toll on his body. After I left my banking job in 1997, I joined the family business on part time basis until 2000 as full time. And from my FIL , I learnt this phrase which he shared with me regarding business which was passed down from grandfather. It goes like this " Hai Ren Zhi Xin Bu Ke You, Fang Ren Zhi Xin Bu Ke Wu"- It stayed with me until today. One of the memorable moments I used to giggle at , was the sight of both of them in their little room happily chatting and plucking the Tow Geh (Bean sprouts). Spouses do quarrel. Yet there were such unique moments so sweet and tender to behold!
My FIL too had wanted to fulfil his dreams to re-visit China - his old home town and also to Melbourne to visit his 2 brothers. He only managed to fulfill the former. In May 2015, by the grace of the Lord, many of us accompanied him to Dabu, Meixian. He wanted to have a taste of the highspeed train. So we flew to Wuhan and took that to Guangzhou. That train was a 'Happening ' for him to witness how advance China had progressed. That trip was also an eye opener for many of us. His dialysis at the hometown created a stir scare too but fortunately, one of the dialysis nurses came along with us and so all was well. Perhaps . because of his own medical condition, he fully understood the pain that dialysis patients had to endure. That trip saw my FIL's philantrophy in action. He donated 2 dialysis machines to the hometown hospital. However, for years earlier, his generosity towards education funding, hostel and old age homes has always there too. Hence during the wake, many tributes and wreaths poured in in memory of his past contributions. Such was my FIL.
Although he wanted to make the trip to Melbourne, his health by then took a real toll on him. He couldn't travel anymore. But my FIL was a great writer. He penned letters and used the snail mail when we are on emails and what apps. He was on literal pen and paper and stamps. His loss of hearing made it too difficult for simple telephone communications by then.
Just before his passing on 24/4/17, his younger brother from Melbourne came to visit him in late March. My sister in law from UK visited too for 2 weeks in Spore. Another of his pen pal relative, Uncle S, from Vancouver managed to see him on 18/4/17 when he was on route to Malaysia & HK. Uncle S himself had been on dialysis for more than 8 years and he was 89! The simple meetings took place just all within the month of his demise. I believed it was all the Lord's grace and mercy. The Lord heard our prayers to allow my FIL to fulfill his desires.
Actually, the last 6 weeks before my FIL's passing was a rather trying time for the whole family. That was because one of my sisters-in law, May, was also hospitalised in and out due to excruciating pain in her head. May had been going to the bedroom to give my FIL hugs after dinner on every Tue and Thu for the past one year or so. And because of May, I followed her to give him such hugs together. So when May was hospitalised, my FIL realised she was not well as there were no more hugs. But to avoid sharing too much details on May's bad condition, we had to lie low. This is another miracle in the making. We had originally thought that it was the late stage of NPC which caused May to be in great pain. However, thanks to the SGH doctor of the Infectious Dept, He saw the MRI even though it was blurry and then found the real reason for her torment of the last few weeks! Her C1 had kind of collapsed unto her C2. The neurosurgeons were called in and they did a emergency OCF (Optical cervical Fusion) on her neck the following Monday in late March. Pain finally disappeared for May ! She was finally out of ICU in mid April. So on 22/4/17, just 2 days before the passing of FIL, May managed to obtain SGH permission to leave the hospital to visit my FIL who was then in ICU. Thanks to the Lord for such a moment. Both managed to see each other through the glass window. All they need was just a wave to know that all is well. I guessed, my FIL was relieved to see her. So was May. Perhaps that brought a good closure for my FIL. To know that his daughter whom he was concerned for was ok after weeks of missing in action.
So came 24/4/17 monday morning. My FIL slept away peacefully during his last and final dialysis after 5 years. No one knew he had passed on until the nurse tried to wake him up . So we thank the Lord for such a peaceful rest for him. No more pain only to gain that promotion to better Home of eternal rest.
And on 25/4/2017, I received the architect certification of the final completion of the warranty period of liability of the restoration work done at the South Bridge Road shophouse. How timely it seemed! I am sure that my FIL was happy to see his final dream came to a completion!
So till then, may we meet again in Heaven. And I know deep deep in my heart, the Lord loved my FIL that much. So with an outstretched arms, I give Him thanks and glory and honor! Only by His grace. Nothing but His grace. Amen.
Your love n respect for your late father -in-law is commendable
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